…..not gender based, “women’s intuition” simply put, women are allowed to “go with their feelings” more than men are in our society. It may be that the association with women’s intuition is too “feminine” for some to many men; they prefer to “go with my gut”; more masculine in their view. Whatever! All genders have intuitive capacity so clearly to me going with intuition is risk based, emotional risk that is. I love facts and in my field of mental health practice I want to know the new research about psychology, emotions and the brain/mind/body connection. That said I have to trust the source of the material and since the notions of mental health and mental illness remain so stigmatized I am cautious until I see believable evidence. What a conundrum then as intuition is based on feeling without conscious reasoning. I got that definition from the dictionary and it seems right to me.
When I have ignored my intuition I have suffered. I am not alone in this. So many times I hear from patients “I knew that this, fill in the blank, wasn’t right for me but I went ahead and did it.” We are not talking here about choosing the wrong green sweater because green is the current hot color we are talking about marriage, education and timing of choices. “I got married because all my friends were getting married and having babies” says she who would like to marry but maybe not quite now, or “my family kept telling me I needed to settle down” he says. Then we may have a married guy who is conflicted about who he is…but married, definitely not “settled.”
I understand that it is incredibly hard to buck tradition, cultural norms and social expectations but in the privacy and safety of the psychotherapy office people talk about decisions they made which were so very wrong for them but seemed so very right at the moment when outside forces, family, friends and convention held sway and intuition was ignored.
Intuitive understanding does not mean just acting on impulse because one “has a feeling” but if the intuitive thought/feeling keeps intruding then attention must be paid. Is the “intuitive” feeling really fear or anxiety? There’s that old “risk-averse” goblin showing up or is it really what you “intuitively know” and you are afraid that people won’t like it, will judge/criticize you or otherwise make you mistrust an authentic part of you?
After years of practice I am very clear about how cultural, racial, ethnic, religious and social norms play a powerful and influential role in our lives. This is one of the many times I am grateful for my choice of and training in clinical social work with its’ orientation toward understanding “the person-in-environment” which is a basic practice tenet in the field. How do we find balance between these compelling life-long beliefs built into our very marrow and the intuitive knowing that something is just not right for me?
Usually this takes time and the assistance of a neutral, skilled and empathic psychotherapist who listens to what you are saying reminding you that your intuition is valid and hopefully helping find a more harmonious place for you to live in a world which feels and probably is very conflicting.
Following your intuition is sometimes very clear and is what in my field we call ego-syntonic which means is consistent with your self image. Sometimes it is ego-dystonic which I describe as emotional fingernails on the blackboard. When your intuition is constantly dogging you with dystonic messages it requires courage and backbone to explore the noise.
Do it in a quiet perhaps even contemplative way sharing your path only with people who will support and encourage you.
Remember intuition is not something that we Americans are necessarily very comfortable with so if the being you talk to right now about it has fur, feathers, fins, scales…..you get my drift….start there. But start.
 |
Virus-free. www.avast.com |