Author Archives: Lynette Sim

…..not gender based, “women’s intuition” simply put, women are allowed to “go with their feelings” more than men are in our society. It may be that the association with women’s intuition is too “feminine” for some to many men; they prefer to “go with my gut”; more masculine in their view. Whatever! All genders have intuitive capacity so clearly to me going with intuition is risk based, emotional risk that is. I love facts and in my field of mental health practice I want to know the new research about psychology, emotions and the brain/mind/body connection. That said I have to trust the source of the material and since the notions of mental health and mental illness remain so stigmatized I am cautious until I see believable evidence. What a conundrum then as intuition is based on feeling without conscious reasoning. I got that definition from the dictionary and it seems right to me. When I have ignored my intuition I have suffered. I am not alone in this. So many times I hear from patients “I knew that this, fill in the blank, wasn’t right for me but I went ahead and did it.” We are not talking here … Continue reading →

…….no, not that kind, perhaps a future blog post. The adult entertainment I am thinking about has to do with how many adults seem to have a problem with the idea of Play. We associate play with kids, in fact play is one of the ways kids learn, but then after childhood the concept of Play seems to go away. We must be “grown up” at all times as if Play is childish rather than childlike which means that there is fantasy and imagination, sort of an adult recess. We Americans take great pride in saying “I work hard and play hard” when they have twisted an ankle after not exercising for years or are suffering a hangover because it is a holiday or a weekend which gives us permission to Play. “ Yay! I get to suffer for my play…..because I have worked hard.” This doesn’t make sense does it? I propose a balance, a blend if you will. Play needs to be a part of life the way work, paying your bills or brushing your teeth is. Even child and pet responsibilities, those groups are dependent on us, can be incorporated into the idea of putting aside time … Continue reading →

…..is what the flight attendant says at the beginning of each flight. The internet has lots of articles about the analogy of the oxygen mask in terms of self care but what happens that so many people feel like they simply can’t do it? “I don’t know it just seems selfish or narcissistic.” Since when is saving your own life narcissistic? There is a lot in the media about President Trump meeting the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Look up code 301.81 in the DSM5 and decide for yourself but don’t for heavens sake conclude that self care is a form of narcissism. The words narcissist and narcissistic are already very loaded down with negativity, criticism and misunderstanding. Healthy narcissism means to possess good self esteem with the ability to have positive emotional experiences with others which requires empathy. Please remember that there is healthy narcissism. To engage in self care is healthy narcissism. One of the criterion of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is lack of empathy. The Presidents’ supporters see the behaviors which scare or offend his non-supporters as confident, take charge and “it’s about time that a president stood up to…..” and his non-supporters see him as lacking empathy … Continue reading →

I recently opened the email newsletter from my home warranty company American Home Shield and saw along with tips about air conditioner maintenance and weed removal there was the headline Household Activities to Relieve Stress. What followed was one of the most comprehensive lists of stress reducing activities that I have seen. None of these notions were new to me but the fact that these were made so accessible to people in such a unique way was very appealing. The opening line was “Home is the last place you want to feel stressed”. I know as a therapist that HOME is one of the major sources of stress and we are not just talking about an overflowing toilet on Thanksgiving. Home can be a place of great comfort and a source of great dis-ease. The list covered the importance of the deep cleansing breath, eating well, good sleep and a relaxing shower or bath among other pretty basic things. All things which we can control by taking an action. The stressors which can bring us to our emotional, and sometimes actual knees, are the ones we have no control over but take acres of energy trying to control to no … Continue reading →

I have been on a blogging binge for my website and have promised myself that I will continue until I have a library of pieces for when the urge to blog binge abates. It has made me think about the concept of blogging about therapy in general and in particular why I do it. I started doing it when a number of my patients said “I want to write that down” after exploring something I had said to them in their therapy session that day. I keep paper for them to use, writing makes it real. Or a patient will say “you ought to write about that” once again when we have been talking about something in their therapy work. I want to be clear that my posts come almost completely from my work as a therapist listening to people over time hearing consistent themes, their personal and intimate stories and seeking to provide psychotherapeutic treatment and care. My thoughts and feelings about therapy come from my experience of being a therapist, from what people bring to the consultation room as well as my training and continuous learning. Certainly my blog content is informed by how I personally navigate the … Continue reading →